Archive for July, 2011
July 17, 2011
Take my hand
July 12, 2011
1 — Your Best Friend
2 — Your Crush
3 — Your parents
4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
5 — Your dreams
6 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love
7 — Someone who always makes you happy
8 — Someone you wish you could meet
9 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
10 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
11 — Someone you wish could forgive you
12 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
13 — The person you miss the most
14 — Someone from your childhood
15 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
16 — Yourself at 13
17 — Someone that pesters your mind – Good or bad
18 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
19 — The last person you kissed
20— The last person you made a pinky promise to
21 — Someone that changed your life
I obsess. I constantly think about why you treat me the way that you do, even though I don’t want to be thinking about it because it just hurts too much. For a long time, I accepted it. I thought it was because that’s just who you are or because I didn’t deserve to be treated any better after all that happened. But then, a few months went by and I got back on my feet again, and it was then that I started to wonder and think and over think. If you care about someone, why would you treat them so badly? Why would you toy with their emotions and not care how they feel after the fire is put out? Now, the problem with this theory is that I’ve done it before. I’ve played with people’s emotions until I couldn’t anymore. So I know. But the thing was, I didn’t fully realize what I was doing until after, but while you’re doing it, you know what you’re doing. You know you’re hurting me. So why do you do it? I can’t figure it out.
I know there is a guy out there who will care for me in ways you probably never will, but for some reason, I’m still here. I’m still with you. Because I am holding onto this hope that one day, something will click in your head and you will finally, finally realize what you’re doing to me and change. Not change for me, but for yourself, so you understand that you can’t just go around treating people that way. We all have emotions and mine have been stomped on and thrown around, but I’ve seen glimpses of what I want and how I know you can be. That’s the thing – I know that side of you. Other people think I’m crazy for sticking around when they know how you treat me, but I’ve seen the other side, and I want that side. I want it. But is that enough? Is it enough to want something so badly, that I would do anything to get there? Is it worth all the pain? That, I haven’t figured out yet. And I’m hoping that I won’t have to because someday soon, maybe you’ll come around.
Until then, or the end of the road, I wish I could care a little less. Feel a little less. I told myself I’d be carefree and I tell everyone else it’s not serious, we’re just having fun, taking it one day at a time. But truth is, I’m not that kind of girl. I like things placed where they are supposed to be. I like to have things planned out. I don’t like surprises. Well, certain surprises that is. So, I’ll keep waiting and holding onto my hope, because that’s all I know how to do.
I love the view from up here
July 11, 2011
“Life’s too short to play games. If you love somebody and you want to be with them, then go get them. Deal with the mess later. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring.”
One Tree Hill
I get the whole “He’s the only guy i’ve ever really been in love with” part. It’s hard to let go, hard to move on to someone else and think you’ll never find anyone with such characteristics or chemistry like you two had, but I promise you, once you let go and move on, you’ll find out that, deep down, the only feelings you have for him might be just the fact that you’ll always love him. You may not want him back, you might just be scared to move on without him.
While I can’t have you, I long for you. I am the kind of person who would miss a train or a plane to meet you for coffee. I’d take a taxi across town to see you for ten minutes. I’d wait outside all night if I thought you would open the door in the morning. If you call me and say ‘Will you…’ my answer is ‘Yes’, before your sentence is out. I spin worlds where we could be together. I dream you. For me, imagination and desire are very close.
You have to get hurt. That’s how you learn. The strongest people out there, the ones who laugh the hardest with a genuine smile, those are the people who have fought the toughest battles. Because they’ve decided that they’re not going to let anything hold them down, they’re showing the world who’s the boss.
Sometimes, I imagine life like a piano. The white keys represent happiness, while the black keys represent sadness. But as you go through life’s journey, remember that the black keys make music too.
Once you realize your past is just a story, it has no power over you.
I’m sorry sometimes I get a little jealous, thinking that someone else could make you happier than I could. I guess it’s my insecurities acting up. Because I know that I’m not the prettiest, smartest or most fun and exciting girl. But I know that no matter how hard and long you look, you’ll never find somebody that loves you like I do.